Confessions from the Velvet Ropes

Everyone Loves a (Black) Parade: The new My Chemical Romance CD, The Black Parade, will be released on October 24th

Above: From Hair to Eternity - Gerard Way tries to remember when his date with the hairdresser is.

While My Chemical Romance fans may still be in mourning over the loss of Gerard Way's long, black locks, they are consoling themselves with the news that The Black Parade, the new album from My Chemical Romance, will be released on October 24th. "I haven't slept or eaten in weeks because all I can think about is the new My Chemical Romance CD," one fan wrote to us after reading the passage on her favorite band in Confessions from the Velvet Ropes. "I went into a mild depression after Gerard cut his hair, but I think I'm finally getting used to it."

I wrote back and told our melancholy hair-hopper about the time I went to see The Cure at the westside Piers in New York in 1986 (I was in a baby carriage, of course). Thousands of Cure fans showed up with Robert Smith-style hairdos -- teased and Aquanetted black rat's nests as far as the kohl-lined eye could see -- who also shelled out money to buy little Robert Smith puppet heads on a stick. So here was this mass of Smith doppelgangers holding little Smith puppets, all with the same angst-ridden hairdos. And then La Smith took to the stage, sporting a fresh crewcut!...and instantly transforming the sea of worshipful imitators into a swamp of  passe posers...but that didn't stop anyone from enjoying the show. (I believe they opened with "A Hundred Years", but what do I know - I was merely an infant in black lace diapers...)

For those who have not yet read my book, Confessions from the Velvet Ropes, there is a scary yet hilarious anecdote in it that involves Gerard Way and the rest of My Chemical Romance being stalked by a crazy fan during their DJ gig at MisShapes, the exclusive downtown club that figures heavily in the book. Not long ago, a gaggle of My Chemical Romance fans took to discussing this matter on their live journal page.

And for those who have not yet seen it, here is a video preview of My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade...

Thanks for reading,

Glenn Belverio

Can't get enough Andy Warhol after viewing the PBS Andy Warhol biography documentary?

Nineteen years after Andy Warhol's death, all tomorrow's parties are still going on today, many of which are deliriously documented in Confessions from the Velvet Ropes. One reader even mischievously compares the book to the Andy Warhol Diaries:

"I really enjoyed reading about all the amusing people in this book. It's sort of like a better written, funnier, more detailed version of the Warhol Diaries... except the Warhol Diaries is packed with boring old farts like Liza Minnelli and Bob Colacello, whereas this book has mental cases like Courtney Love and that tacky thing who does the Baby Phat clothes -- you know, the former model who thinks she's Tyra Banks but is really just Jocelyne Wildenstein in Beyonce drag. Anyhow, you know that when you've got Kimora and Courtney in the same book, you're gonna laugh (and if you've got them in the same room, bring backup... as you'll see in Confessions.)"

Please don't hate us Liza and Bob (and Kimora)! Because we still think you're just super. In Confessions from the Velvet Ropes you can read about Andy Warhol's favorite nightclub, Studio 54, and about the invite he designed for early 80's club, Area, which ended up on a T-shirt worn by the book's subject, New York's #1 doorman, Thomas Onorato.

Lastnightsparty book documents New York nightclub photography culled from lastnightsparty.com by Merlin Bronques

If you're a hip culture vulture, it's a wonder your eyelids don't turn up at the sight of a dust jacket. Lastnightsparty: Where Were You Last Night by Merlin Bronques photographically documents the party scenes chronicled in Confessions from the Velvet Ropes, from the Red Bull and vodka bacchanals of MisShapes to the grandiose glam bam happenings of rock 'n' roll behemoth, Motherfucker. In Confessions from the Velvet Ropes, author Glenn Belverio discusses this phenomenon of digital paparazzi photography as practiced by Bronques (who once referred to himself as the "black Andy Warhol"), and compares it to the old-school nightlife shutterbugging from the 70's through the 90's, such as the work of seminal paparazzo Ron Galella (the guy who stalked Jackie Kennedy!) and also Patrick McMullan (InTents) -- back when getting your photo taken really meant something. Believe it or not, there once was a time when not every single person in the room had their photo taken. Buy Lastnightsparty and Confessions from the Velvet Ropes today so your cool friends won't laugh at your sad coffee table display of yellowed copies of Vice magazine from 1999....

New York Times declares the MisShapes cool for at least a minute; neglects to mention lengthy documentation of wild episodes from the MisShapes parties in Confessions from the Velvet Ropes

Above: Doorman Thomas Onorato is engulfed by the seething, hip masses while manning the ropes to the MisShapes party at Don Hill's.

Illustration of the MisShapes by Pop Fantastic

From the nights that Jarvis Cocker of Pulp and members of My Chemical Romance were stalked by crazed fans, to a funny and educational breakdown of all the clothing styles and music tastes adopted by the party-hard attendees, Confessions from the Velvet Ropes is a literal who, what, and where of the mini-phenomenon that is the MisShapes -- including helpful tips and advice on how to get into MisShapes, not to mention how to get past the velvet ropes of nightclubs everywhere.

New York Times scribe Cathy Horyn breaks the MisShapes age barrier, penetrates the velvet ropes, and goes spelunking in the MisShapes basement to unearth this club trend for her readers in this recent article. We were especially amused by the anecdote involving fashion designer Hedi Slimane sending models down the runway who were mop-topped doppelgangers of the long-banged DJs who named themselves the MisShapes after their party (or vice versa). I couldn't help thinking of the 1981 cult punk rock film -- soon to be released on DVD -- Ladies and Gentlemen: The Fabulous Stains. In the film, thousands of teenage girls emulate the clothing and hair styles of the all-girl punk band, The Stains, whose leader singer sports a striped, punky "skunk" hairdo and wears see-through blouses, tiny black panties and fishnet stockings. Will the Misshapes look -- admittedly tamer than the style trail blazed by their punk/post-punk predecessors -- sweep America like a postmodern plague? While you're pondering this, here are some photos plus some links to clips from The Fabulous Stains....

 

The Stains perform "Waste of Time" and berate audience

The Stains become New Wave sell-outs in this music video for "The Professionals"

Thomas Onorato, subject of Confessions from the Velvet Ropes, gives his New York nightclub predictions for Fall 2006 in New York Magazine

The online edition of New York Magazine is featuring this article, Nostrathomas' Nightclub Predictions, for the Fall preview of new hotspots opening in New York. If you're not an A-list celebrity -- and therefore masochistic enough to try to get into these places -- Thomas Onorato details the pain that lies ahead for those who seek entry into these chic watering holes, that are sure to be the buzz topic for every ersatz Carrie, Samantha and Miranda at office water coolers across midtown. Onorato gives the lowdown on what to wear, who will be there, and what your chances are of getting in.

Of course if you want an edge over the competition, it certainly wouldn't hurt if you read my book, Confessions from the Velvet Ropes, which is jam-packed with tons of tips on how to get past the velvet ropes. Or, if you're like my friends, sit back and bask in the vicarious nightclub experience that the book provides --so you won't have to go through the trauma and torture that awaits hapless glamour pusses at the velvet ropes. Don't believe me? See for yourself this ultra-humiliating velvet ropes ordeal experienced by Tara Reid a few weeks ago in LA. The Paris Hilton cameo makes it worth the watch.

Yours,

Glenn Belverio

Welcome to the Velvet Ropes of Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada

 

After New York City and Los Angeles, the city with the most velvet ropes per square yard is Las Vegas. (Soon the phenomenon will reach middle America and you won't be able to get into a Chuck-E Cheese, a Piggly Wiggly or a Wal-Mart without facing down a ferocious door bitch behind a velvet rope.) The website All in Vegas picked up this article from the Hartford Courant, The Velvet Ropes of Vegas in which I am interviewed as author of Confessions from the Velvet Ropes. Now you'll have all the skills you'll need to get into that secret Wayne Newton or Charo after-party at those members-only clubs I've heard whispered about....

Confessions from the Velvet Ropes Reading at Barnes and Noble in New York City with Glenn Belverio and Thomas Onorato

Text: Glenn Belverio, Photos: Bruce Benderson and Kirsten Majors, Door Bitch Realness: Thomas Onorato

Thomas and I were as pleased as spiked punch to appear at the Barnes and Noble bookstore in Astor Place in New York this past Friday night. A sexy and intelligent crowd of New Yorkers old and young turned out to listen and ask questions about the state of New York nightlife and mine and Thomas Onorato's take on it. Nightlife legends Misstress Formika and Miss Guy were in attendance and I even heard a rumor that Suri Cruise was there. Paris Hilton was not there, but of course her name came up as one of the names not to drop when attempting to pass behind the velvet ropes.

The evening started out with me reading a passage from the book - the story of how Adrien Brody's birthday party was bombarded by eggs. The prime suspect in the crime was the guy who used to be the cowboy in The Village People. Lauren Bush, George Bush's niece, was struck by an egg, much to the delight of the registered Democrats in the audience. Coincidentally, this night was also the night the new Adrien Brody film, "Hollywoodland", opened in theaters.

Thomas and I read from the Top 10 Tips on How to Get Past the Velvet Ropes from the book. We then answered questions from the audience. As expected, the first question came from an elderly gentleman in the front who apparantely attends all Barnes and Noble readings. You know the type - always has four old Duane Reade shopping bags filled with junk and a pile of decrepit Village Voices next to him, has a Charlie Manson-type dead gleam in his eyes and is wearing a soup-stained schmatta. His question was "What are some of the juicy insides of celebrities you can tell us about?" When he said this, the vivid and gory image of Paris Hilton being pulled apart like a KFC drumstick and thigh popped into my head. Juicy insides? It's all in the book, baby.

Bruce Benderson, author of  the Prix de Flore-winning "The Romanian: Story of an Obsession", wanted to know "If someone is old and fat, how much of a chance do they have of getting past the velvet ropes?" Thomas answered this by basically saying that because nightlife is under seige, we're lucky that NYC has any clubs left that let in young, thin people, so the old, fat ones should just be thankful that New York hasn't morphed into a Stalinist state where everyone is commanded to be in their homes by 9pm. Or something like that. I was too busy thinking about where I wanted to have dinner afterwards and whether I wanted a vodka or gin martini, so my mind was wandering.

A few older people asked questions about the glory days of Studio 54 and the Warhol scene and I talked about how much club life has changed and will probably never be as good as it was back then ever again....but we gave kudos to the promoters behind the Motherfucker parties for bringing punk legends such as the New York Dolls and the Cramps back to the stages of downtown.

 

Friends and fans lined up to have their books signed.

Dennis Stansbury bought an extra copy so I could sign it to his boss, the fabulous Patricia Field.

Thanks for reading!

xoxox

Glenn Belverio

Glenn Belverio and Thomas Onorato Read/Discuss/Sign "Confessions from the Velvet Ropes" September 8th, Barnes and Noble Astor Place

Reading/signing for Confessions from the Velvet Ropes with Glenn Belverio and Thomas Onorato

Friday, September 8^th

Barnes and Noble

Subways: N, R (8th street), 6 (Astor Place)

3 Astor Place

(btw Broadway and Lafayette)

212-420-1322

NYC

7pm

Free

The Cramps Tear It Up at Motherfucker Party at Avalon (former Limelight) Labor Day Weekend

Thousands upon thousands of rock 'n' roll freaks turned up at Avalon for the Motherfucker Labor Day Party to see punk rock hillbilly legends The Cramps. "Like baby needs mom, like Suzy needs Dick/This baby needs some new kind of kick". Lux Interior, a bit grayer than when I saw the Cramps play in 1985 (when I was in grammar school) was still svelte and in rare form as he whipped the Motherfucker crowd into a frenzy. From "Human Fly" to "Garbage Man" to "Let's Get Fucked Up", Lux, Poison Ivy and co. went beyond the call of  crowd-pleasing duty as they rolled out hit after hit with chainsaw buzz neo-garage punk splatter film ferocity. Lux polished off two bottles of red wine during the set, spraying several mouthfuls geyser-like into the air like blood gushing from a victim in a Herschell Gordon Lewis film. (A major Cramps influence, for those who don't know.) For one of their encores, The Cramps pumped out their adrenaline-charged groovy ghoulie classic, "Tear It Up". After deep-throating the mike -- the signature performance gesture of this song -- Lux climbed up onto a tall stack of speakers with the mike, knocked it down on the drum kit, lay stomach down on the top speaker gyrating wildly and then performed a ghoul puppet theatre Grand Guignol from behind the black curtain before climbing down and pummeling the cymbals with the mike -- it was exactly what the crowd came to see. You've still got it Lux! ("We've been doing this fucking shit for 30 fucking years!" Lux slurred/growled into the mike at one point.)

Here are some Motherfucker party photos:

Former Cramps guitarist Kid Congo Powers with crampy door bitch Thomas Onorato. The subject of my book, Confessions from the Velvet Ropes, Onorato dealt with hordes of club-goers who waited in a line that stretched 7 city blocks. Needless to say, there was not enough room in the former Limelight to let them all in. However, if more of them had read "Thomas' 10 Tips for Getting Past the Velvet Ropes" in my book they might have been able to bypass the line!

Colorful Cramps fan!

Gore-Gore Girl!

Sex kitten with a whip - meeooow!

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Glenn Belverio